It’s important for me to post now, at the peak of my crisis. Some of you think I have my life together and all my ducks in a row, which makes me laugh. I’m as dysfunctional as the next 20-something, I just do things a little differently. For example, I’ve spent the last 48 hours (emphasizing the last 10) almost numb from the tornado of emotions I’ve been feeling. I’m overwhelmed to say the least. And here I sit, in Newark Liberty International Airport, convincing myself to follow my feet. It’s time to shit or get off the pot–and boys and girls, this is the biggest dump I’ve ever taken.
Leaving my friends and family behind is hard enough, but watching my mom cry as I left nearly broke my heart. I’m a big girl, but I love my mommy…and I needed comfort so badly that my teddy bear is making the journey with me. This is everything I’ve wanted for a while now. I’ve had to make sacrifice after sacrifice to get where I am now and here I am, freaking the fuck out. I guess my point here is that just because you’re scared or nervous or second guessing yourself doesn’t mean that it isn’t the right thing. When you were more lucid and thinking clearly, this was what you wanted. Your mind will jump into survival mode and play tricks on your wants and needs. Be confident in your choices because you made them for a reason.

It’s so hard to take your own advice.

At some point the tears are going to have to run out or I’m going to give up on the second guessing and nerves because the ball is rolling, the contract is signed and I’m about to board a plane. Fear will subside and a sense of adventure will settle in. Nerves will turn to wanderlust and fear will become excitement. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t praying that switch comes soon.

Waiting is always the hardest part and the wait is finally over.