Lake George

When you decide to forge your own path, everyone you meet has an opinion. Some are jealous of your confidence and courage; some think you’re an idiot. Reality is that I quit a comfortable full-time job as the Assistant Editor for two music trade magazines, with benefits and a considerable amount of travel, for months built on uncertainty and guesstimation. I’m cool with it. At least, most days. But there will always be the shoulda-coulda-woulda people who aren’t proud or envious of you, but are angry or “confused” by your choices.

I know who you are. You talk about me like I don’t have eyes and ears all over the world. I see you. I hear you. All of you. You smile and hug me when you see me. You ask me when I’m leaving and try to sound genuinely interested. But, you see, I wouldn’t be in this position if I was as dumb as you’re assuming I am. I can read your face, your voice, your facebook wall and your damn mind. I am confident, intelligent, and fucking BRAVE, and I don’t need your approval.

I want to make you aware of the anxiety you put me through. I want to please everyone, but I refuse to compromise myself. That is why I will leave you and all your compatriots stuck unable to move in your rut-riddled lives. Sit there and enjoy the slow bobbing peace of being a buoy, stuck, in an ocean of opportunity. I see you, yes, but only as a blip on the great journey I am on. You are a buoy and I’m rowing my boat. You stay anchored as I spread my wings wider and become freer.

I don’t hate you. I don’t envy you. And I’m not going to thank you for the pain and frustration you projected onto me. I am grateful every day for the wide, entangled, multi-lingual support system I have ALL OVER THE WORLD to combat your small-minded opinion. It plants like a seed and grows…much like the regret you feel for the life you wish you were living; for the life you’ve given yourself; and for all the shoulda-coulda-woulda moments.

Fear not, dear friend, for it is never too late to change. But you…you might never change. You might stay buoyed to the same spot for your entire existence on this planet. Know this: I pity you. In two days I begin an uncertain journey with very few marked beginnings and even fewer ends. I hope one day you find love and respect in your heart for me and my choices. Until then, I send you love and exemplify you in my own anxiety. When I feel afraid, I will think of you and I will feel brave knowing that I didn’t end up like you, a buoy in a vast ocean of life.

At the same time, I could never forget all the good times and the great people who have supported me, even in the smallest way. This blog and my dreams are owed, in part to you. Also, to my amazing, strong Momma, who gave me the travel bug by taking me places even the oldest people dream to go, I want to thank you. It is your strength and courage, and your faith and confidence in me, that allows me to step one foot in front of the other to follow my dreams…whatever they may be. Lastly, to my Dad. Let me make you proud. One day, when I die, I will have insane stories to tell you…and I already can’t wait for the reunion. So, as the sun sets on one chapter, let the wild adventure begin.