Living in Korea taught me a lot of unexpected lessons, not the least of these are tied to the US military. I learned a lot about the men and women serving our country during that year, and dating an Air Force Staff Sergeant has taught me even more than I could have learned on my own. You see, before I left for Korea I would have considered myself a left-leaning moderate. Like most Americans, though I considered some force justified in specific situations, I couldn’t wrap my head around the whole killing other people thing.

From the outside, it looks like our soldiers kill insurgents. It appears that air strikes, while largely harming civilians, are probably a necessary evil in times of war. Many of us can even justify the killing of civilians for “the cause”–whatever that is. However, I always saw these deaths as a sort of elitist scapegoat. From the outside, it appears that American service members look at the people they’re fighting and see something less than human, less than themselves. And from the outside it appears that this is how killing is justified.

We are all familiar with the rhetoric that these gun-wielding, sandal-wearing, IED-burying men (and women) are “animals.” And as such, we can justify the killings. They are not human, they are “animal” and they are undeserving of our compassion. Now, the left-leaners get all hot and bothered at this point, talking about how these are people, not animals, and that killing them indiscriminately makes our brave men and women the animals, or monsters. I agree that this as justification for the deaths of innocents takes us to a level of “monster” I’m not comfortable with. But this is all the view from the outside.

The media baits us, all of us, throughout the country, with it’s harmful and misleading rhetoric. From the outside, we see our armed forces killing civilians without concern. From the outside, war-mongers and conservatives shoot off their guns in rag-head justice approval. From the outside, liberals watch the decay of the empathy and intelligence that brought out the highest highs of humanity. From the outside it looks like it’s “us against them,” but if history has taught us anything, it’s that this war doesn’t matter. That’s not to say it isn’t a necessary evil, but consider the fact that the United States is the ONLY country to ever drop a nuclear bomb. And the country we crippled is now one of our strongest Asian allies. We put Japanese-Americans in camps in our own country because we feared them, and now we’re best buddies.

The view from the inside looks much different, from what I’m beginning to understand. With few exceptions there are no men or women that really enjoy taking a life. And the ones sent to do just that are pawns in this dangerous game, controlled by someone who gets paid a helluva lot more than they do. Our gun-wielding, boot-wearing, air-striking patriots do not decide where to go and who to kill. Those decisions are far beyond their pay grade. They simply do all they can to ensure that the guy to the left and right of them gets home.

It’s as simple and as complicated as that. Drone strikes are an act of love when called upon to cease the gunfire. Someone is proud of their job calling in air strikes because it allows them to keep their guys alive. They kill because they love.

In a way this does become an “us against them” mentality, almost indiscriminately. But, rather than viewing air strikes as something disconnected and impersonal, I challenge other laymen (as I am absolutely one of these when it comes to the military) to see it as intensely personal–more than you could possibly imagine. Do you think that, given the technology, the man shooting at you wouldn’t hit the red button and blow you sky high? Sure, maybe he’s doing it for some convoluted and fetishized version of God, but he’s also doing it to save his own ass. To save his buddies’ asses. To keep his family and his way of life safe.

Air strikes are acts of love that cause carnage. Tell me about a time where love existed and there was no danger. Tell me about the time you loved someone and there was no passion. There would be no need for love if it weren’t for hate. Sometimes the most beautiful acts of love are disguised as inexcusable acts of war. Perspective. In war, killing is an act of love.