Throughout our lives we will say goodbye many times. Most of us say “goodbye” in some form every day. Somehow, when taken out of context, goodbye seems so permanent. I’ve had my fair share of all too emotional goodbyes, some permanent, some not. The one goodbye I wish I could have said came too late for it to mean anything to its recipient and that moment, that goodbye, will haunt me in some way for the rest of my life.

I’ve told this story countless times, but it’s worth mentioning again here. The last night I spoke to my father—the last time I saw him alive—I almost left the house without saying goodbye. I yelled up to his office on the second floor to say “see you on Friday” as my friends and I tried to quickly exit and be on our way to Halloween celebrations. He called down for me to wait and he came downstairs to where we were, in the kitchen, almost through the door. He gave me a big hug and what could have been seen as an embarrassing parent kiss and said: “You know we don’t leave without a hug and a kiss and saying I love you. You never know when the last time will be.”

Well, people, that was the last time. Lesson learned. If someone means something to you, if you love them, before you leave you better tell them. You never know when the last time will be.

Rolling my eyes I smiled and said “I love you” and left with my friends. Two days later I would be called out of class to receive the most devastating news of my life. I would have to say my final goodbye to a blue-turning corpse in a cold, uncomfortable hospital room as my world quickly fell to pieces.

These days I say “I love you” a lot. Maybe too much for some people. When I hang up the phone, when I leave a night out or get on a bus to go home I remember to say “goodbye,” “see you tomorrow,” and usually “I love you.” Before it’s too late, I want to say my final goodbyes to the people and place I have called home for the last eight months. There are four more months left on my contract in Korea and after that, I’m gone from here for the foreseeable future. Many of my friends are leaving before that. Some have even seemingly decided to make it easier on themselves by not saying goodbye, not leaving, and just silently slipping away. That one really stings, but to each their own.

After living, studying abroad and making a family in Australia, goodbyes came too soon. I cried…a lot. Not for the people I was leaving, because, ultimately, I can see them again. I cried for the circumstance. I cried because never again in my life will I be in that place, with those people, in the same mindset, ever again. It’s almost like mourning for a time you can never get back. It’s almost as hard as mourning for a person you’ll never get back.

In a few short weeks someone I’ve become extremely close to over the last few months will leave. A couple weeks after that, another will go. And this will continue until I make my final exit to sweatier pastures in August. Before you all leave and we become swept up into another world and another life adventure, I want to tell you all how much I love you. Without you, this year would not have been what it was and my life would not become what it is about to. I’ve fallen in love over and over again with the kindness, sincerity, humor, stability and support of your beautiful souls and I cannot say thank you enough.

The first one to leave will be the hardest to let go. Because of who this person is, how much I love them and because they’re first. I’ve always ALWAYS said that leaving is the easy part. The people left behind suffer far more than the person moving on. They leave for new adventures, excitement, chaos and uncertainty. They get wrapped up into a new world and are constantly on the go. It is the people left behind who truly mourn for their presence. In a way it’s like living with a ghost. One that you still talk to and love unconditionally, but that is obviously, noticeably not physically around you anymore.

I have a habit of running away from this feeling. I don’t want to feel sad or like I’ve lost a piece of me, or like my perfect little circle of trust is crumbling around me. But this time I have no choice. I am contractually obligated to stick this shit out, grin and bear it. Choice or no choice there is only one remedy for these feelings and this situation. It is to stay ever-present in the moment. Don’t look too far ahead or behind each day, but remember to appreciate all that you have RIGHT NOW, here, at this moment, because soon it won’t be the same. And once that change is made, you will never get back what you have now.

Life and people are transient, and that’s the beauty in it all. People change, circumstance changes. You always have the opportunity to be with those people again, in another way, but while we’re here, right now, I say we celebrate and raise (several) glasses to the love we have found in each other.

I love you all so very much and I will carry you and your influence with me wherever I go. Thank you for being the best family I could have dreamed of.

Love Always,
Kate