The goodbyes have already begun. And I think today I’ve already cried five times. It’s only going to get worse and I know that. I kind of feel bad for the people that will be around me for the next 23 days (HOLY SHIT 23 DAYS) because I’m going to rollercoaster through all the feels. The excitement, nervousness, sadness, anxiety, and all the different ways I can express the love I have for all I’m about to do, the support I’ve received and continue to receive, and for all the people I’m going to miss like crazy.

If I’m being honest, I’ve never left Silver Bay with dry eyes. I feel closest to my father on this campus and each time I drive away I leave a little part of me here. This time the tears are starting even earlier than I wanted them to, but I can’t (and won’t) lie about how I’m feeling. In 23 days I will be on a plane bound for Seoul. From there I’ll travel South to my orientation where I’ll be for a week+ and then I’ll settle into my apartment in Gwangju. In moments like these, where I’m happy with my friends and feeling an overwhelming sense of “home”, I question my motivation for leaving. But if I’m being really, truly honest, this amazing sense of home wouldn’t have happened without my decision to leave.

Had I not traveled to China, met amazing people, quit my job, made some really tough decisions and been brave enough to fly solo a while, I wouldn’t be at the bay right now. I wouldn’t have met these incredible people I can now call my friends, and will hopefully, one day, call my family. Yeah, ok, leaving people you love is hard. Obviously. But without moving in the direction my heart has called I would never had the chance to love these beautiful humans. With all of our imperfections and fucked up-ness. Our outbursts and mood swings. Our quirks and all the perfectly incredible flaws that fit together like a big human puzzle. The thought of this wonderful chapter of my life closing is overwhelming and almost too much to bear, but I know that I’m better off having come here, making the connections I have, and leaving with those people in my heart and mind than if I’d never come at all.

I’m going to miss the late night/early morning turnovers, the smell of Spengler, the stars at night, the spiders that are literally everywhere, my gross bug bites, night swimming (both clothed and unclothed), the fear I feel walking past Hebron and Paine Hall, the often gut-wrenching meals, the comfort of being in sweats (for my job) and without makeup everyday, and so much more. I’m going to miss breathing this Adirondack mountain air so deep that it triggers memories of my dad and I when I was younger. Fuck, man. I’m gonna miss it all. Bring on the waterworks.